Memory Alpha:Peer review/archive

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I already placed this article up for FA nomination but only two people voted (although they both supported the nomination). I think the article is pretty thorough as is, there's been a lot of good work put into by myself and others, but I'd welcome any suggestions for improvement, as I plan to resubmit it for nomination as soon as time allows – Bertaut ^talk 17:17, 8 March 2008 (UTC)

I think its fantastic. A very thorough and well-written summary, with well researched background information. Well done! --- Jaz 07:08, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
I agree with Jaz. An incredibly detailed, well written and well researched article. Good pictures, good quotes, and a comprehensive and informative Background section. I don't honestly know what could be added to this to make it any more comprehensive. Good work! This should be a Featured Article. – Taduolus 13:14, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
Really great episode article. I love the picture of Quark. I also like the background sections. Great work!!! ---- Willie^LLAP 14:28, 5 April 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Quark's

I've put a lot of work into this article since March 2007, and am pretty much solely responsible for how it looks today. It's quite long and very detailed, and I'm quite proud of the work. But it would be great to get some community involvement and feedback through Peer Review. If you have any comments, suggestions or criticisms, I'd love to hear them. Thanks! -- Taduolus 21:15, 25 February 2008 (UTC)

Really, I can't see anything to fault this article.

It's very complete and entertaining. I love all the quotes, and this comment: "Quark was evidently able to use the donations of his friends to rekindle enough business to obtain exact replacements of all of the furniture, fixtures and fittings that had been removed by the FCA, as the bar had returned to its familiar appearance by the next time it was seen (in season 5's "Apocalypse Rising")"

I'd support it if you put it up for FA :-) – Cleanse ^talk 01:34, 2 March 2008 (UTC)

Thanks Cleanse, that's really positive feedback! :-) -- Taduolus 12:37, 2 March 2008 (UTC)

I know I'm coming to the table a little late, but better late than never. It is a very great article. Made me laugh in a few places as well. I did change one minor thing. In the "Federation Control" section, I changed the link for Commander Worf's rank to go to the Lieutenant Commander page instead of the Commander page. Other than that small, little thing, it was great!!!!! I also would support it if it was put up for FA. ---- Willie^LLAP 23:01, 19 March 2008 (UTC)

Thanks Willie, it's great to get another positive review! :-) – Taduolus 13:10, 23 March 2008 (UTC)

I think it sucks and you should be banned from all future edits. No wait, sorry, wrong person. No, in all seriousness it's really good, very very well put together. I'd certainly support it too. – Bertaut ^talk 02:08, 5 April 2008 (UTC)

Haha, thanks Bertie! ;o) I've put it up for FA nomination now. – Taduolus 13:10, 5 April 2008 (UTC)

The article is now Featured. Archived the peer review. – Taduolus 15:31, 6 April 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Star Trek: First Contact

I rewrote the summary section as the last version seemed too long and wasn't a "summary" but a retelling. Like Deevolution before me, however, my ultimate goal for this article is to get it up as a Featured Article, so I'd like to know what the rest of you guys think it could gain or lose to make it better... (?) --Defiant 16:42, 21 January 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Return to Raimon

I am looking for a peer review of this article so as to improve both it, and the style I am going to be using for writing up the other articles for this particular comic series. While becoming a featured article is not a particular goal of this peer review, should we want to tackle making it that, I would be most appreciative. --OuroborosCobra ^talk 16:51, 20 April 2007 (UTC)

Well... FWIW, I didn't think the quote ("Stop -- both of you! You are charged with the murder of the PriMarch!") was exactly memorable unless there's some sort of in-joke or a reason for its relevance other than the obvious (Picard being accused of murder). Ferenginar 07:43, 22 September 2007 (UTC)

Well, that is the obvious. How often is Picard, or any main character, accused of murder? The line, in fact, was partly the top of the comic. --GO RED SOX 04:37, 22 October 2007 (UTC)

[edit] "Ship in a Bottle"

I was trying to improve this one to get it to Featured Article Status. Can anyone tell me if I missed anything. I spent about an hour and a half to write the summary while watching the episode, pausing very frequently. Any Suggestions? -- Nmajmani 01:16, 14 April 2007 (UTC)Nmajmani

[edit] James T. Kirk

Howdy all. My pace of updating this article has slowed as come closer to the end of things I can feasibly add. I didn't set out to break the article size record, but I guess it's not too inappropriate considering the prominence of the character. As I wrap things up, I'd appreciate feedback on the following:

Pictures - Are there too many, too few? I've done a lot of color/contrast correction to make them "pop" off the page, but some (especially movie caps) are low quality. If anyone can replace them, send me the fattest files you can capture, and I'll trim them down.

Friendships - There are a few gaping holes in relationships with his junior officers. Frankly, there's just very little to go on beside "He promoted Chekov" or "He kissed Uhura". Should those listings be dropped or left as is?

Quotes - Too many, not enough? A good one I missed? Should some of those quotes I included in the body of the article be duplicated in the end?

Off the Deep End - Under "Intellect and Personality", I tried to discuss the nature of Kirk's personality. I think all the underlying facts are clearly evident in canon, but stringing them together to form a conclusion was perhaps pushing it. Did I pull it off, while staying within the rules?

The Five-Year Mission - Again, too much or not enough? Perhaps it could form the basis for a separate Five-Year Mission (2265-2270) article, and trimmed down to mention the encounters that greatly impacted Kirk or his career in this article.

Nit picking - I'm sure there are a lot of minor fixes needed, but my eyes are way to familiar with this article, and it's hard for me to catch what needs attention. Please keep an eye out for spelling, format, and misc. errors.

Thanks very much. --Aurelius Kirk 12:46, 17 Jan 2006 (UTC)

[edit] These are the voyages

In case you didn't know, this article has recently been nominated for Featured Article status, although the nomination was rejected. As some users had valid complaints about the article, I wish to comply with those complaints and try to make this article better. I would like to think that the article could be eventually re-nominated, although it will probably take a long time, if the amount of users who opposed the nomination is any indication! In the meantime, individual complaints can be left here. The article will be changed accordingly. --Defiant | Talk 17:46, 22 Sep 2005 (UTC)

How is the edited "Teaser" section? Is it an improvement? --Defiant | Talk 18:40, 22 Sep 2005 (UTC)

Yes it is. I made some change though you might want to check if they fit. -- Q 19:13, 22 Sep 2005 (UTC)

1 - the first change you made turns 2 sentences into 1 long, rambling sentence. In one of the policies, it encourages users to avoid rambling sentences.

2 - "is required to give a speech at an/the upcoming ceremony". In school, I was always taught that "a"/"an" are best used when first mentioning something, and to use "the" once you have established the topic.

3 - Can the Captain's Ready Room be simply referred to as just Ready Room?

4 - the word "whereupon" does the same as 1 - it turns 2 sentences into 1 long, rambling sentence.

5 - the word "orders". I've always thought that repetition is best avoided, but "orders" is written twice and quite close together!

6 - the word "even" should definately be capitalized, as it is the start of a new sentence. --Defiant | Talk 03:48, 23 Sep 2005 (UTC)

1 - My objective was to establish a timeline within the sentence. Doing this I do did not found it a rambling sentence. "In 2161, Ensigns Travis Mayweather and Hoshi Sato are on the bridge of the NX class spacecraft Enterprise, discussing Hoshi's plans for her future. From a column near the helm, Lieutenant Malcolm Reed approaches " I found the transition from "for her future. From a column" to abrupt. With "..for her future. When from a column" it has more flow. While Hoshi and Travis were talking Reed aproached. For me it made more sence.

2 - I am unsure about this, had only 2 years of English, but because a dash is used I thought that 'the' would be in its place. "...to give a speech at an upcoming ceremony - the signing of a charter between ..." The ceremony is known when the sentence is finished so "...to give a speech at the upcoming ceremony - the signing of a charter between..." sounded better for me and it is not mentioned how many ceremonies there are in the episode timeframe.

3 - Yes, why not. A starship has only one readyroom.

4 - same as 1. -- Q 17:51, 5 Oct 2005 (UTC)

Oh, our first peer review - below is a list of things that I think prevent this page from being really great. This is surely incomplete, and a part is obviously based on personal preference:

The summary is too long. A summary is supposed to be condensed and concise - what we have here is not a summary, it is a retelling of the episode. I can't decide if we really want to have this (although I personally could go without it), but if we do, it should not replace the concise summary but be an additional section.

Summary subsections. I don't like the separation in "teaser" and "acts" as it is too artificial. A shortened summary could probably avoid subsections completely; for a retelling, I'd prefer subsections derived from the story itself.

Nitpicks section. I think that this section (on all episode pages, of course), is too subjective to really belong here - especially this nitpick. I'd like to see a continuity section describing errors (or the opposite) between different episodes, but nitpicks shouldn't have a place here.

Starship images. They are great, but seem to be "tagged on" somehow. Perhaps we could make an exception to our KISS-rule here and create some sort of table containing the three images and the quote?

Speaking of quotes, some are good, but I can't imagine why some of the others were added here. Perhaps look over them again - eventually, just a wild idea, those could even be placed in the retelling section, one per subsection?

Timeline - some of the events of this timeline are relatively unrelated to the episode itself. A timeline on an episode page should probably only contain events shown in that episode.

-- Cid Highwind 20:37, 22 Sep 2005 (UTC)

Is Act One sufficiently edited or could it be smaller? To be quite honest, I don't know what can be removed from the first 2/3 paragraphs, any ideas? --Defiant | Talk 22:58, 23 Sep 2005 (UTC)

I think little things like Troi's sarcastic remark ("that's why you run a starship and I'm a counselor") and they're making a dinner date in the corridor can be removed. Besides that, I'm not sure what else can be cut. Personally, I think the act looks great so far. :) (By the way, Defiant, did you get the comment I left on your talk page about these edits? I never received a reply, so I was just wondering; didn't want you to think I was ignoring them just 'cause it wasn't nominated as an FA. ;)) --From Andoria with Love 03:33, 25 Sep 2005 (UTC)

I got it, Shran! Does the article have to be written from a beginner's viewpoint, explaining who all the characters are, or not. How much knowledge do we assume the reader has and how much detail do we go into explaining the characters and their relationships? --Defiant | Talk 13:43, 25 Sep 2005 (UTC)

I'm not sure a beginner's pov is necessary. If they want to learn who the characters are and their relationships to the others, ppl can just click on the links for those characters. Then again, I don't think little descriptions, such as "his best friend" or the like, would hurt any. But that's just one little Andorian's opinion. ;) --From Andoria with Love 22:30, 25 Sep 2005 (UTC)

Any more comments? Any other ways to improve this article? Any comments that I haven't addressed yet because I've forgotten? Is the summary section still too large, as some complained when I nominated this article? --Defiant | Talk 22:21, 28 Sep 2005 (UTC)

Most of my comments still seem to be unaddressed, for example regarding the timeline, quotes and the starship images at the end. The new "continuity" section just has a new name, but still contains "nitpicks" as before. -- Cid Highwind 22:29, 28 Sep 2005 (UTC)

Much better, now. Good job, so far :)

re:Quotes The more dubious ones have been removed, no further comment here.

re:Timeline Unrelated entries removed, also no further comments.

re:Continuity I'm still not too sure of the original entry (boarding party/MACO/force fields). It seems to be too nitpicky and speculative, nothing I'd like to see on every article page (after all, we're setting an example here). This is just a comment, though - I don't know if I'm the only one not liking that... Another thing, there could be some type of further comparison between TATV and "The Pegasus" regarding the continuity between those episodes.

-- Cid Highwind 12:35, 2 Oct 2005 (UTC)

I'm not entirely sure why the nitpick here such a problem. It is an obvious mistake on the part of the filmmaker's, and I was unaware that describing an episode's mistakes were not welcomed as background information. I don't think there's any harm in keeping it here. But that's just one little Andorian's opinion. :P --From Andoria with Love 17:50, 2 Oct 2005 (UTC)

The detailed comparison between TATV and Pegasus is great. With all the other changes and additions, all I can see at the moment are possible minor "cosmetic" changes, for example rearranging some of the images (when two are directly following each other, perhaps move one of them to the left?) or rearranging the various items in the section "Background information" (by topic, seems unordered now). I will reread the article once again tomorrow and then most probably support the new FA nomination. -- Cid Highwind 00:05, 4 Oct 2005 (UTC)

[edit] Act one question

Don't want to be a nitpick, but to me this part sound better so I put in here.(don't want to edit the article itself) Any opinion ? -- Q 19:33, 5 Oct 2005 (UTC)

"The year is 2370 and aboard the Enterprise-D, First Officer Commander Riker and Counselor Deanna Troi are seated at a table in the Ten Forward lounge were they discuss Riker's personal dilemma. Riker reveals that his situation is highly classified when Troi asks about the holoprogram, which details the final mission of the Earth Starfleet Enterprise, she recommended. Riker answers that up to now he has gained no insight from the program and tells her he has even gone back a few days prior to the final mission to get a better perspective, but states he is unsure how the program will help him. Troi sarcastically assures him that it will help making Riker smile as he takes a sip of his beverage."